by Barbara Tanner-Wallace
Raise your hand if you’ve heard this before:
Every Writer’s Journey is Different
Writers are forever reminded to avoid comparing writing paths. Over and over, we’re told that we should “keep our eyes on our own paper,” maintain perspective, and remember that no two careers are alike. All good and wise advice.
But then we log onto social media or attend a conference, and wham! We’re stuck in the Comparison Trap. Because, despite the best of intentions, comparison happens. When everyone around us is sharing success stories, we can’t help measuring ourselves against them.
“Author A knows so much more about marketing than me.”
“Author B has agents loving her idea. I can’t even get an email back.”
“Author C said the words poured onto the page. I struggle to get 500 words.”
Sound familiar?
I’m willing to bet that some of you have heard about the dangers of comparison and wondered why everyone can avoid comparing but you. Trust me, you’re not alone. I’m here today to share a secret: We All Compare.We can’t help ourselves. It’s biological.
Why We Compare
In 1954 a psychologist named Leon Festinger published what’s known as the social comparison theory. He noted that people have an innate drive to compare themselves against others as a way of measuring their standing within a group. It makes sense when you think about it. In ancient times, humans compared food stockpiles to determine whether they would have enough to eat over the winter. Same for shelters, pelt collections, etc. Comparison was a matter of survival.
And while society has evolved, our brains are still stuck in ancient times. Thus, we compare with one another. We compare up to see where we’re falling behind, and we compare down to make ourselves feel better.
Therefore, the issue isn’t that we compare, it’s how we use and react to those comparisons. The Comparison Trap is when we let comparison destroy our self-esteem or worse, descend into jealousy and bitterness.
When Comparison Strikes – A Conference Primer
Conferences can be particularly difficult to navigate when it comes to comparing yourself to others. If social media is full of self-promotion, conferences are like being stuck in an in-person timeline. All highlights with none of the bad stuff. (Who goes to a conference and immediately announces they’ve been rejected 117 times?) With the UK conference days away, I thought I’d share a few pointers for the next time you find yourself stuck in the Comparison Trap.
- Make sure you’re comparing apples and oranges. Obviously, most of us know better than to compare our careers to Ken Follett or Diana Gabaldon. But this also applies on a smaller scale. If you’re a writer with a day job or family, don’t compare your output to someone who writes full-time.
- Remember that you’re only seeing a sliver of the full picture. Social media is a “highlight reel” where people share the best parts of their lives. Sure, Author A just posted that he sold his debut book to Netflix, but has he mentioned the child with behavioral issues? Maybe that author who told you at lunch that an agent loved her idea neglected to tell you that she’s never typed The End on a single manuscript.
We tend to develop a kind of all-or-nothing mindset where if someone says the writing is going well, we assume that everything else must be going well too, even though we know that isn’t true. No one’s life is all roses, not even those on the NY Times list.
- Take a break. Even when you know you’re viewing a highlight reel, a steady diet of promotional and celebratory news can wear you down – especially if you’re struggling. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going dark for a few days or even weeks until you’re feeling better.
- Focus on your own highlight reel. Another bad habit writers have is forgetting our wins in favor of the negative. Take a minute and write down your career successes – no matter how small. Post it where you can read it and do so whenever you feel yourself starting a comparison spiral.
- Use comparison to your benefit. Remember the story about food stores? If the others had more grain than you, it was a sign you needed more grain. What then, do other writers’ successes teach you? What did they do that you didn’t? Did they study the market trends and write what’s popular? Did they manage their time better and therefore finish promptly? That manuscript they sold? Read it, and learn what made it stand out.
- Focus on what you can control and that is your story. Who cares if Author A writes 1,500 words a day and finishes her book in half the time? Is she writing your story? No. Can she write your story? Absolutely not – only you can tell your story in your voice. So go write it.
In the end, remember that there will always be authors who perform better than you, just as there will be writers who perform worse. But there is only one you.
A very wise person once said, “You are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment.” Make that your mantra and the comparison trap will be a lot easier to avoid.
What do you do to avoid negatively comparing yourself to other writers? Share your suggestions.
Since 2010, Barbara Tanner-Wallace has sold over 1 million books worldwide. In addition, she’s the co-host of Step into the Story, a YouTube show celebrating historical fiction. Each month she and her BFF Donna Jones Alward review their favorite books and interview their favorite authors. Guests have included Kelly Rimmer, Susanna Kearsley, Bryn Turnbull, and Piper Huguley. She’s currently working on a WW2-era novel set in occupied Rome.
The Historical Novel Society UK 2024 conference 
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